That thing.

Last week, I was given the opportunity to go see the production of Moses at the Sight and Sound theater in Branson. Remembering this story fondly as I recall Easter eves hearing Charleton Heston declare, "Let my people go!" in Cecil B. DeMile's rendition of The Ten Commandments, the story came to life as I watched camels, goats, and horses strut up and down the aisles of the theater in perfect cohesion. There were parts that made the audience gasp and applaud, as well as grip the arms to their seat as the waves parted and the Hebrew people ran through the dry sea. The show was phenomenal.

And then the curtains fall. And the actors take a bow and head backstage. And the lights go down. 

But the true Word of God lives on. 

As I reflected on scripture, specifically Exodus, this verse jumped off the page: "You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them for I am a jealous God." (v. 4) My  mind immediately went to the scene from De'Mile's version where Moses came down from the mountain with the tablets and the people were having a party complete with gold cows that they were worshiping. When you think about that verse and compare it to a movie that  you grew up watching, making that connection in your own life gets to be a little confusing as it is easy to say that I certainly don't worship anything or anyone other than God. 

Or do I?

Did you know that you can worship something and not be aware of it? I am just going to be totally transparent here when I tell  you that my life is certainly not rainbows and unicorns all the time. I realize that many of you know how I deal with broken people on a daily basis, but that is my calling (as I believe we are ALL called to do if we really admit it to ourselves) and God has equipped me for that. He has softened my heart and given me eyes to love on people and walk side by  side with when it would be easier just to look the other way.  But then there are other things.

Many of you know that my husband has been looking for a job since July. Just for curiosity's sake, we tried to add up the amount of interviews he has been on as well as the number of applications/resumes he has submitted. The number is almost laughable. His full time job has become to look for a job. In addition to that, he continues to lead our kindergarten/first grade Sunday school class on Sunday mornings, our Wednesday night children's class, our small group, his pantry day at the Conway Ministry center, his Renewal Ranch gig... Yeah, lots. 

And do you know that there is not a day that goes by that we don't have what we need? Not one day. God has provided for us in ways we cannot understand. And to say that I  worship money is so silly... How can you worship something you don't have? Here's how: it starts small, and before you know it,  you are thinking about it more and more and instead of of focusing on the One that provides the need; you become honed in on the need itself. 

Maybe it's not money. What has stolen your focus from God? Maybe it is another person. Maybe it is your calendar. Maybe it is entertainment. Friends, ask God to reveal it to  you because most of the time, we don't realize that it is happening. But what we do know that there is an evil presence in this world that wants to separate us from God and his blessings. I believe that daily distractions are his first line of defense. No one says that they have ever gone out and created false idols and worshiped them but everyone, including me if being truthful, have allowed something to become the focus of our life rather than the blessings that God has for us. 

If this has  convicted anyone like I was convicted when I realized what was happening, a simple prayer to an Almighty God combined with the want to refocus your attention on Him works wonders. There is not one simple formula to declare, rather just thank God for allowing you to see what He is trying to tell you, confess to Him that you want Him to become the focus instead of whatever it is that is standing in the way of that, and don't turn back. 

There is freedom in the name of Jesus and it is for us all. Be blessed.

Today was God's gift to me.

If you have never been in a desperate situation, this probably won't make much sense to  you. 

Desperation is all around me. From the young man who is found sleeping outside the door because he knows that he can get some food as soon as a staff member shows up; to the lady who is fighting back tears as she explains to me that she, "is tired of trying to convince her kids that things will be ok," wondering herself if that is true. When you have been blessed to be a part of a team whose underlying though each day is to show love to a desperate world in need of a Savior, a burden is placed upon your shoulders. Bringing those burdens to the foot of the cross where they can be left and plucked up by the One who wants to create a beautiful mosaic out of the messy pieces of your life is such a humbling thought.

I am still pretty naive, but my prayers are stronger than ever for my brothers and sisters on the front lines, holding my hands as we tread through the waters of uncertainty where oftentimes, the rubber meets the Damascus road. Like Paul, when people start to witness just how much God has His eyes on them and is preparing for them to see, they are changed.

Today was monumental for a certain lady who told me two days ago that she, "dreamed of a place where her kids would smile a lot," and not have to ask on a daily basis if everything was going to be ok. These kids were growing up  understanding what it meant to live in fear of something that they couldn't comprehend yet God had a plan for this family.

Today, this family found out that they would be getting a new home. Out of the ashes, this family discovered that they are capable of  being loved and that it didn't matter what the past looked like, because the future held a promise that they could take hold of.

An angel went to her and said, 'Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you!' (Luke 1:28)

Some have said to me," I could never do what you do," but that isn't true. I could never do what I do alone, but scripture says in I John 4:4, "...because greater is He in you than he that is in the world." My challenge is to ask God to allow you to see a need and respond according to His will. If you will start to pray like this, God will reveal things to you that you simply can't unsee but then He will send His spirit to respond with the kind of love that Jesus intended for us all--desperate in life;  desperate for Him.

Some days, it hurts.

There is not one day that is the same. In order to do what I do, I have to have some face time with God every day or else I go into my  unprepared. I grew up hearing about this so-called armor of God, but now can honestly say that if I don't gear up each day, I will fall short doing what I do. Maybe not in the way that you think I mean, because I can petition for people as long as the day is long, and I can listen to their stories of heartbreak until the sun goes down, but to truly love them I must see them as God does.

There are days where I celebrate. A displaced worker started a new job and now he can support his family;   a formerly homeless veteran just took possession of the keys to his new apartment; a  mom was finally reunified with her kids after a hard battle with alcohol addiction.

These days, I celebrate.

But then there are days like today, where I literally cry with these brothers and sisters. When I hear about the things that happened to them while they were in childhood and then remember that monsters do exist. Or the desperation in their voices when they call to tell me that the job didn't work out and the memory of the looks on their kids' faces sweep across my mind as I remember what it was like the first time they learned that they didn't have a home. Or the client that tells me that she thought about killing herself last night because she felt like the fight was too hard to keep trying.

But...God.

My heart cries from a place that says,"Yes, I hear you. Yes, I will try for you. Yes, I will carry this burden because I know what it is like for someone to carry my burden and when you realize that my love for you is great because His love is greater, then you will understand."


And the Lord said, “I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. Exodus 33:19

A day in the life

I can't say I wasn't warned. I knew it would be tough, but answering the call to actively show my neighbor how much I love them is my  mission, messy or not. Today it was messy.

I was headed to the office to pick up an appointment card when I saw one of the homeless regulars that visits us sometimes. Hanging out so that she could let her phone charge, I noticed she was missing her shoes as I approached. She immediately started telling me that her feet were hurting and I sat down on the ground in front of her and noticed that her feet were swollen. Not only were they swollen, they looked like she had been walking around without her shoes on and were really dirty and had a few open sores. Her feet looked rough and I other than letting me clean them off a little bit and pass on some Ibuprofen, she wasn't interested in much else that I had to offer. No shoes, no bandages.  Just some TLC, medicine, and a ride to a friends house because walking at the time would have been murderous on her ravaged feet. She smiled at me after she unloaded all her bags from the car and it was then that I realized that providing a solution to a problem (in her case, the condition of her feet) sometimes takes a back seat to simply being there.

It wasn't long after that I got a call about one of my clients who received a call that she was being evicted from her apartment and within the next couple of hours, she and her two elementary age sons would have nowhere to go after a long day at work and school. As I raced across town to explain to the apartment manager that she had a new job and just needed one week before she received her first full paycheck and plead with them to let her stay, her fear became my own. Knowing that she was doing everything right, that nothing that had happened to her was her fault, my heart broke as I thought about how it would have to feel to try and figure out how I was going to explain to my kids that they had no food, clothes, or even somewhere to sleep for a few days. Knowing that this would be their reality very shortly. 

Unfortunately, management could never be reached. I did plead with the maintenance man to let them in for just a minute so that they could grab some food and clothes and he agreed, but couldn't give them long to do it. We went to the apartment and the kids were waiting when we got down there. The youngest started crying as soon as we pulled up and needing to go to the bathroom and was asking for an after-school snack. Knowing that they basically had to grab whatever they could carry with them as fast as they could, the process was overwhelming. Mama headed to the kitchen and started grabbing food and water while a sister who had showed up grabbed laundry as quick as she could. The kids were given bags to fill toys with and it was a whirlwind of emotion and necessity combined. Finally, my client got a call that she could stay with a friend so as we went different directions, I headed to the grocery store and wept for her for the next thirty minutes from the parking lot.  

How would I have explained to my children those circumstances? How overwhelming was it for her to even fathom the thought of not having food to feed her children? The tears fell hard as that reality became real in such a tangible way through her story. There was nothing about this that she deserved yet here she was, trudging through. I think the thing that surprised me the most was that through all this, the last thing she said to me was, "Thanks for everything you tried to do today. Do you think I could come to church with you on Sunday?" 

Somehow, through everything that happened today, she experienced love. It was messy, angry, desperate, so desperate, but love shone through all of that and hope remained after all. 

"In a world that is so confused about what love is, I'm more convinced than ever, that when they see it, and when we get it right and we live it out, love never fails." (Tim Britton, 9/10/17)