He left going nowhere.

I left him sitting there. That is the thought that I can't get out of my head. Father God, you know I tried. Take what I couldn't do and give me a bread and fishes story to tell. Oh Lord, you know I will praise you, even when all I have is my faith to sustain me. But truly, that is all I need.

Returning to the office from the break last week, I knew today would be busy, but hitting the voicemail button on the office line and hearing eighty-one pleas for help was enough to concern even the most multi-tasked office strategist of all times. Children crying in the background as struggling grandparents requested Thanksgiving food boxes that would feed their extended families; soldiers trying to get bus tickets to try to make it home in time for the holidays; single moms asking if we had a Christmas program that could help provide presents for kids:  you name it, we got the call. 

Then he walked in. It took every ounce of my heart not to grab on to him and wipe the tears from his eyes as they fell in such a way that the physical pain that he was experiencing paled in comparison to the emotional pain he was in.  Sometimes, I barely have to say a word before people open up their lifestory to me. His was a tough one to hear, and as I bandaged up a puncture wound on his hand, I realized how lucky I was to be able to simply go to my medicine cabinet at home and find supplies to bandage my own babies with, or medicine to give them when they didn't feel well, or extra blankets for those nights that were getting colder as winter closes in. These things, I no longer take for granted. 

After an exhusting six hour trek to find a place for this man to sleep for the night so that he could walk to work at 8 in the morning, the final call came up empty. The center was closed, the lights were soon to be off, and here sat this man with nowhere to go. All places were exhausted, and I was now prepping him for a cold night abroad. After I felt he had what he would need for the night, out the door he went. He left going nowhere. 

As I said goodbye and walked out to my car, the tears came. Never as a way to let myself off the emotional hook, but rather try to see my effort through a different lens, I thanked God for this encounter. I thanked God for sending this man my way, because today, he received love. He received care. He received food and drink; but most importantly, he received a message of hope from  a Savior that had never left him, yet led him to this place. 

Smiling through the tears

Today I was visiting with a client when the subject of fear came up. Fear of losing a job, losing a home, losing a child...fear is something that we all deal with from time to time, if not more.

Doing what I could to ease the worry of my client and offer a little consolation to a worried heart, I began to explain how Jesus' disciples had dealt with fear during a very popular story from the Bible that details a boat full of worried folks that were stuck in a storm. The boat forcefully rocked from side to side to the point that the passengers thought they would die. It was then that they cried out to Jesus to come and save them and once they did, the fear had left them.

The fear was gone.

I barely blinked when the tears began to fall down my face. Have you ever been able to give someone sound advice yet it was hard for you to hear it yourself? That is the only way I know how to describe it. The truth was that I was hearing my own words as I realized that my family had been riding some pretty rough waves since my husband was having a tough time finding a job. The uncertainty of so much weighs heavy in times of waiting and can manifest in a very ugly way, and the financial restraint seems to touch so many different areas of life. November birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, December birthdays... The weight can be crushing. But God has a plan, and I trust Him.

As I attempted to wipe the tears away conspicously, I apologized to my client and explained that I truly understand what it means to fear and how sometimes I felt like I was in a boat, too; how I had to ask Jesus every day to save me.  That's when she asked me, "So why are you smiling?"

Was I? Had I managed to overlook the fact that in the midst of the storm, Jesus had given me a reason to smile?

I remembered a verse from the Bible that I cling to that explains how Jesus is able to give me a peace that is different that the kind of peace that the world gives; how it gives me a reason to smile despite the challenges of life. I told her that I think that my smile came from knowing that no matter what life brings my way, whatever ups and downs I may experience, my joy comes from an overflowing well of living water that my Savior refills each day so that I am filled with Him and not with the circumstances life.

Dear Father,
Someone reading this is hurting. They need you. Father, if they don't know you, I pray you would allow them to see that there is nothing that they can do to change your love for them. It is not anything that they can earn, but rather that you give to them freely not because of who they are, but because of who you are. And for the person who is reading this who is riding the boat of life, being rocked by the winds and waves of life: I pray that you would be the calm to their storm. Jesus, you said that the world would give us troubles, but you also promised that you would never leave us. Renew in us a hopeful spirit so that we can smile through the tears. Renew our strength, and thank you for allowing us to leave our cares at the foot of the cross where you pay for them daily.

Amen.

Isaiah 40:31