The Christmas present

Her name is *Lisa. She is a Cabbage Patch doll with golden brown hair, bronze skin, and a scent that reminded me of my childhood. She was a gift to me a few years ago and she is more to me than a remembrance of a simpler time when styling barbie doll hair and accessorizing every stuffed animal known to man (located in my bedroom, of course) was my happy place.

When *Lisa was given to me, I wept. Not only did she remind me of my childhood, she was the namesake of a very special little girl that I had been praying for for a number of years. They shared the same name and appearance, she was a visual reminder for me to keep my prayers coming for my real *Lisa.

When you are in student ministry, particularly younger children, you take the prayer requests week after week and pour into the children that it is your mission to minister to. After so much time has gone by, you realize that while you are not the parents or grandparents, your presence in their lives and prayers over them have bound you to them in a way that is indescribable. Like teaching in a public school, the "church kids" that you invest in become a part of your hear, too. You worry about them, you celebrate the happy times, you cry when they cry, and you try to be strong when you can't give their broken hearts the answer that they want to hear.

*Lisa lived behind me. She was at my house everyday. When she was first introduced to me, she was probably eight years old and loved everything about Justin Beiber and Tobymac. This baby could sing. She would sit at my computer accessing YouTube for as long as I let her and belt out every song like she was the next Alicia Keys. She had a heart for Christ and would accompany me every time I went to the altar on Sunday mornings, crying out to God with her words just as good as the next guy.

I knew that Lisa had a tough home life. She had a good support system in her grandparents, but the situation at home was rocky to say the least. It would be good sometimes, awful others. There would be nights she would come up to the house to simply talk and pray because "Mama and daddy were fighting" or "so-and-so was drinking again." There would be nights I could hear yells coming from the house and wondered if Lisa would be coming up, scared. I would sit on my front porch praying to God for the protection of of everyone in the house, but very specifically my Lisa and her siblings.

Time went on and I saw Lisa growing into a young woman. She was an avid Bible quizzer and as her teacher, I saw that it was more than just memorizing questions and answers, but she got it. She put those words in her heart and locked it tight. I never cared about how she performed at the quiz meets because I knew, like with all of my Bible quizzers, that if these words of life were implanted in their hearts and minds, my job was done.

Then today came. I received word that my Lisa had been placed in foster care. Once upon a time, I had been a CASA, or court appointed special advocate for children in the system. I haven't had a case in over a year because of the time required to take off of work to make court appearances and do home visits, but I know a little bit about all of it. I know that there are some amazing people that run foster homes, God bless them. But I also know that anytime a child is ripped from their home, it can be life altering. Even if the child wasn't safe. Even if foster care was the best option. Even with loving and supportive foster parents. The experience changes the child.

So here I sit dumbfounded. The prayers, Lord, the prayers! She is yours! Haven't you been listening?.

 "God, keep her safe. God, let her know how loved she is. God, let her grow up to know that her worth is not found in anything that she can do, but instead in what you can do through her. Let her light shine. Unite her family."

Pray, pray, pray.

There is a song that Lauren Daigle sings. It says, "When you don't move the mountains, I'm needing you to move. When you don't part the waters, I wish I could walk through. When you don't give the answers, as I cry out to you. I will trust, I will trust in you!"

Dear friends, here is a real live testimony about how life isn't always what we expected. We get let down. We cry out to God, but sometimes His answer is not what we had in mind. But sometimes we are not meant to see, and that is because we can't possibly fathom what God is at work at. Maybe we will get our answer someday, maybe not.

But trust, we must.

"Now this I know. The Lord gives victory to His anointed. He answers them from His Holy Sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand." (Psalms 20:6)

So, we pray. For the answers that we hope for. For the things we don't understand, For the love of a child, whom is loved more from the Savior than from an adopted mama bear. (And that's a lot.)

God knows her name, even though I didn't tell you what it really was, so please pray for her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_aVFVveJNs

This changes everything.

Today, I saw "Risen."

Stay with me for a second. Many times, my writings are only the musings in my head and don't make much sense until I can sit down and sort through them. I appreciate your patience.

Rewind to 1997. Jack and Rose boarded a ship called the Titanic. The unsinkable vessel that ultimately became a death ride for many that were headed to the Big Apple in 1912. The film scored more nominations for James Cameron than any other in its time, and although Jack and Rose were fictional characters, the set of the production was made in the true likeness of the actual ocean liner and many facets of the movie could be considered aligned with the real way the boat went down.

This is how [in my mind] I can compare "Risen" to the actual story in the Bible. There are many things that are Biblically based, all with the Jack and Rose story line. Were Jack and Rose real people on the boat? Probably not. Like "Titanic," the main character "Clavius," a Roman tribune, seeks to find out the truth of the Messiah by investigating the mystery behind the vanished body. Yes, there is mention of Roman soldiers in the tale of Jesus' crucifixion in the Word, but none to the extent that the Kevin Reynolds, writer, portrays. 

Clavius is Jack and Rose, and like the Titanic truly sank, the Biblical teachings about our Risen Savior are true. During the movie, there is a scene in which Clavius sits on the peak of a hill during the early morning with Yeshua and the intimacy that is shared between the once-skeptical tribune and the Son of God is breaktaking. The scene is a reminder that we are all Clavius, in a way. If given the chance to encounter the Risen Savior in human form, what could we possibly say? Something tells me that His magnificence would overpower any will we had to ask questions, but instead put us in a state of awe.

That He would die for us. Infeasible.

For years, I have thanked God for making me a mom. It truly changed my life and brought the definition of "myself" to a whole other level. It has truly been my gift from God, amongst other things. I will never understand how some people can encounter the beauty that is new life and not walk away changed. Whether they are a mom, dad, grandma, mia, nana, aunt, poppy, paw paw, grandpa, adopted mother, adopted father, etc. When given the opportunity to help raise a child, it truly is life altering. Your life changes and unless you chose to depart from the situation, you. are. changed.

But is this understanding of our "myself" definition possible in any other way? Yes, beloved. Because such as the way that becoming a part of new life changes us, being given new life through Christ is so much more. And once we have truly encountered it, we can never be the same. Even if we falter, which we will. Even if we start to question it, which we may. Even if we forget all that God has carried us through, which we will, we are still changed. 

In the end of the movie ("Risen," not "Titanic"), the disciples start to depart from the sea of Galilee and the Roman tribune is left with a decision; will he go with them to tell the world about the miracles he has seen, or will he turn back and go a different direction? I am not going to spoil the movie and reveal what he really does, but this analogy can be said for any of us. Will we chose to press on knowing what we know to be true about the Son of God, or will we continue to walk in the other direction? 

Maybe you are reading this and asking yourself what in the world I am talking about. Maybe you have been hurt and you are carrying a burden on your shoulder and feel like this "good news" that I speak of can't possibly pertain to you. Maybe you feel like God has somehow let you down: you didn't get the promotion at work you wanted, you are burdened financially, you have yet to become a mom or dad and that resonates in your heart. Beloved, I know that pain. I have made many mistakes in my life that I have brought upon myself, but also had things happen that weren't my fault. I know pain, trust me. 

\. I know what abandonment feels like, I know what betrayal feels like, I know what it feels like to not know what the future holds. And that is scary! 

But I also know what it is like to know that no matter what my life has seen, or will see, that I have a promise. A promise that I will never be alone. I will never feel the burden on myself like my Savior felt for me. He knows my name, and it is written on His heart. Life will always have difficulties and strife, but when we know that we are loved like a mother or father love their baby, we are never alone. 

Isaiah 49:16 Can a woman forget her nursing child and have no compassion for the son in her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands. Your walls are continually before me.

 Father God, my Savior Jesus, Holy Spirit,

Who am I without you? What would you have me do? I am imperfect in so many ways. I sin in so many ways. Please reveal to me what displeases you. Forgive me. Give me eyes like the One who opened mine. Help me to see the hurting and to lift them up to you. Please keep my heart full of love in such a heartless world. And thank you for my gift. I don't take it for granted, and will never be the same because of it. 

All yours,

Sarah