Joy

Pre-Cursor: Thank you. You have listened to me describe some of the most intimate details of my calling at the Ministry center and have prayed for me, offered me encouragement, a listening ear, or even let me cry on your shoulder. God is indeed my strength, but you all have helped more than you know.

Do you have joy? 

I know that is one heck of a question to kick this party off with, but lets do it anyway. The reason I ask is because there are days that I question that in myself. Thursday and Friday are great case-in-point days for me to walk you through that might give you an inclination as to the great burden I sometimes bear versus the joy and love that I pray is displayed through my life everyday. Much of the case work that I manage is based on my perception of what could easily be described as emergent, or desperate. If I can't get this homeless patient the meds he needs, he will be found deceased in a car that he is temporarily staying in. If I can't find this single mom a place to stay with her kids by the time the hotel forces her to leave, they will have to sleep the streets until some other option opens up. If I can't find transportation for the addict to get to the rehab before they change their mind and decide that the physical pain of withdrawal is more than they can handle, I have lost again. 

Now, now, now. I must move on it now. 

A very dear friend reminded me that it is easy to get caught up in trying to figure out the solution to the problem before giving God the time to make His move. Sometimes that sense of urgency that sits on my chest can somehow hinder my own ability to rely on God and His timing, not my own. And [God] forbid if the pressure that I feel in a moment of dispair would hinder the glory that God is about to get by revealing His plans if only I would run to Him first instead of when I feel like the cards are stacked against me and my client  all I know to do is cry out to Him with all the breath that I have left in my lungs. 

Even if the timing isn't my own. Even if the answer doesn't come. The truth remains: all I need is Him. Yes, there is sorrow sometimes, but the joy that I have is not based on the temporary feeling of happiness that I have because it handled the situation like I wanted, nor is it based on the heartache that I sometimes see; my joy comes from knowing that I don't have to understand everything, but rather in knowing that I am a daughter of the King of kings and He has brought me to this place and equipped me to carry out His plans, and loves me no matter if I succeed or fail miserably.

So Father, thank you for this joy you have given me. Direct my feet, God. Close whatever needs to be closed, and continue opening what needs to be opened. Place me where you can use me, and continue to bless me with the joy that I get from simply walking with you, not on the temporary temperature of the day. Your daughter, Sarah