"I just can't take it anymore. I just can't go on like this. I just don't want to live. I just don't want him to hurt me anymore. I am scared. If only you knew how much it hurt. If only you knew what it was like to live this way. Please, God, take this pain away."
The last 24 hours of my life have been a whirlwind of grief, fear, anxiety, mania, brokenness, hopelessness, heartbreak, and I have privately cried more since yesterday than as long as I can remember. No, this pain is not my own, but it sits on me. My heart hurts for them. Not just one broken person, but many. So many hurting. So many desperate to have a life that brings any semblance of peace. Yet none can be found.
My mind wrestles with the young woman who fled a relationship that nearly killed her, yet rests in knowing that she got away. That the fear that struck both of us when we saw HIM was crippling, yet she is now safe. That when she trembled as she cried tonight, it wasn't because she was still afraid, rather because she wasn't anymore. And that is where I saw God.
For the man who called me from the parking lot of the emergency room, ready to pull the trigger because he couldn't take it anymore: God sat with him, and he is now safe.
For the young mama so desperate to fill a hole that her children used to fill, yet continues to find a way to speak about her love for them even in their absence, that must be God.
And for the young woman typing this, who used to say to herself that if her family knew how much she hurt that they would surely understand why she decided to leave them, she was found by God, too.
And to anyone who reads this and finds themselves hurting, there are people who care. Reach out, we're here. More and most importantly, God has a way of restoring us in time and where you are now is not where you will be forever.
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